Warning! Bad Friend!

My unique set of mental issues has created a persona that is not conducive to being a good friend. I should have a warning label. I really should. You see I have a condition that I describe as black holes in my brain. When under stress, my psyche protects me by removing the stress completely. The condition was brought on by childhood trauma that not everyone knows about, and I don't really advertise the fact that I am a nut. Because of this, people come into the situation unaware and soon think I am a total shit. And yeah, I guess I am. But not by choice, just by design. 

Things that are daily routine are usually safe from being sucked into the void. So if I can make and keep something a routine, I can remember it. But not everything in life can be done daily. I have calendars and post it notes but I can't schedule some things, can't post reminders of everything since I still expect to remember.

This condition is worse when I am under stress, of course. And forgetting things causes more stress, so it's a vicious cycle. I needed to write all this out because I have just lost a good friendship because of it. I may also be losing an amazing job because it's new and although the work is daily and part of my routine, the new email address that I need to check isn't. And I go days without looking and then find I haven't answered important emails. 

I seem to be in a downward cycle right now. New book, lost love, work stress, and now I have fucked up an important friendship. Anyway, writing has been helpful in the past.